Feedback – How to handle receiving it

We have all been there, sitting in an office (hopefully not in a public area or open plan office) and getting some tough feedback. Whether it is from a fellow colleague, your manager or from someone on your team, it can be a really hard situation. Part of you wants to say how you do not agree with what is being said and that they have their information or facts wrong and the other part of you knows you need to sit there and listen. Being able to listen to what someone is saying to you without the defences going up is an important skill to have. In my view one that is often not spoken enough about in the workplace.

There is so much talk and information about giving feedback to others however being able to receive feedback that is a skill in itself.

Being able to manage yourself so you remain professional and that you do not come across like you have thrown your toys out of the pram so to speak when you have got some tough feedback is important.

What is often not said openly in the workplace is that being able to receive feedback in a professional way and make changes where needed is important to develop and progress within the majority of companies and organisations. I would always advocate to anyone who comes to talk and work with me that you should be able to receive feedback and tough messages in a professional way. For those of you who know me well know that I have huge respect for my parents and one piece of advice that has always stuck with me when ‘getting a hard message from someone’ as my Dad calls it is to ‘Listen to what has been said, try not to react then and there, spend some time thinking if there is any truth in what has been said. If there is some truth there then you would be foolish to not work on this and if there is no truth in what has been said, don’t spend any more time thinking about it, move on and carry on working hard’.

I have pulled together a few points for you when receiving feedback, see if they work for you and let me know how you get on.

(1)    Breathe and try not to respond straight away. Take a second or two… or…..a minute or two even and try to calm yourself. We can all have a tendency to react on the spot to what has been said when often just taking a deep breath and letting what has been said to sink in is what is needed.

(2)    Clarify what you have heard. Often when we hear a tough message we can shut down and stop listening. That means we have only heard a fraction of what was said. So before you respond take a moment and clarify what you have heard, this will help in making sure that you understand what has actually been said to you. Simply saying ‘can I check that I have understood what you have said to me, it is xxxxxx’.

(3)    Take some time to think about what has been said and see if there is any truth in it. Being able to be self-aware and honest with yourself is needed here – as hard as it is you will benefit from it in the long run.

(4)    Acknowledge the point that has been made to you. Either respond by saying you would like some time to digest what has been said and you will come back to the person later that day/following day or if you feel comfortable to respond in a professional manner then and there, do so. Try and avoid being defensive or becoming agitated or upset.

(5)    Where possible end the conversation by agreeing a learning or next step with the person giving the feedback so that you end the conversation on a positive note. This importantly shows that you can receive feedback and take something from it.

If you find yourself in a situation in work where you have received tough feedback, get in touch with me to see how I can support and work with you – myhrguardian@gmail.com – looking forward to hearing from you.